Friday, November 13, 2009

Ok, so I've gained a little weight...

...  Somewhere around 10 lbs to be exact.  I haven't changed sizes and most people say I look no different (except my OB/GYN, who says I look less sunken-in and more healthy/filled out in my face).  And I'm somehow becoming ok with this because I have to.  My OB/GYN says I am not at a healthy weight at 130 lbs.  My WLS surgeon has been saying for YEARS that 130 lbs is not my ideal weight (and yet all I've wanted to be is 130, or even smaller... go figure).  I need to be at least 140 lbs (per my OB/GYN), if not 150-155 lbs (per my surgeon) to be at my "ideal weight".  I think I can be ok with 140-145 lbs.  I think, anyways.


There's still this one "voice in my head" that I need to shut up with some 100 mph tape.  It's the one trying to tell me that I'm not small enough, not pretty enough, not this, not that, blah, blah, freakin blah.  She's been there for years and I really just want her to SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!  I AM pretty enough, I AM small enough at a size 6...  I don't have to compare myself to everyone else anymore and I don't have to be a size 0/2 to be happy.  I need to be ME!  I have a husband and 2 kids who love me, I have wonderful friends and a wonderful family.  That is ALL I NEED!!  SHUT UP "VOICE IN MY HEAD"!  Leave me alone and let me be me!

I hope that all of you who read this don't think I'm completely nuts, but I have gone through a LOT of ups and downs with my weight throughout my life.  I just want to finally be able to be happy with me.  If there's one piece of advice I can offer up to anyone on the weight loss journey, it's to not compare your weight loss with that of others.  We all lose at our own different paces and when you start comparing, that is when you can really add a lot of unnecessary bumps to your road.  I tell you this from my own experience and the fact that hindsight is 20/20 and that is one of the things I would do over if I could.